Stress; a Mental Illness

The stress from yesterday…. brought tears to my eyes today… work life balance…

Where do I start from… to summarise… I worked from home yesterday… by afternoon, the level of stress I felt, ment that I had to log off work around 2pm….. I had to cancel all scheduled meetings and sort out the blockage to ensure that I went to work the next day…. even in my stress I was still thinking of work☹… later that evening, I ended up in the gym10 mins only and an hour in the sauna/steam  …

My fuse box

I thought I would blow a fuse… chimo… have a stroke… if I could jog I would have gone out jogging to relieve the boiling pressure I felt.  But as I can’t jog (orobo things)…. I thought of sewing, but I did not want to sew in case I sewed my fingers together…I knew I needed something therapeutic to engage myself with and relief the pressure I was feeling…. I ended up sorting out my wardrobe. A task that I have avoided doing for so long. I now have the next batch of clothes for me to send to Nigeria.

The pressure was real… I think its an accumulation of many things that has been happening around me (including work). The events yesterday… work and a blocked bath… eventually broke the camels back …I guess.

The Genesis

I was at my sewing machine on Saturday when my elder brother dropped in to see me. … he was not looking himself at all. I believe that visit was the beginning of my stress. I am the carer in my family. So the health and wellbeing of my siblings have always been my concern…. I am the get out clause for them….

Drug induced schizophrenia

My brother is schizophrenic… apparently drug induced …. but sha sha he is schizophrenic all the same. He holds a masters degree in architecture….a highly intelligent… gentle giant with a serious mental ill-health. In my profession i am constantly assessing situations and people. On saturday I assessed my brother and the situation. My hands were tied and I took the decision on Saturday to safeguard my children. Tough choices and difficult conversations.

My brother will be just fine. He has chosen his path in life. He is 51 now… I think……I love him to bits and will always watch out for him.

© *Nene O-M*

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